If you’d followed the boys last week, you’d have gone 6-3 and made yourself a nice little stack of cash. Not bad for three guys who are only famous in their own minds.
Season standings:
- Jeff: 6-3 (2-1 every single week like it’s his job)Jay: 5-4 (won 5 of his last 6, aka the hot hand)Jack: 3-6 (we’ve stopped calling it a slump and started calling it his brand).
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Jack is either going to make a miraculous comeback or be mathematically eliminated from contention by midseason.
Jeff’s Picks
Jeff is nothing if not consistent, and by consistent, we mean he is physically incapable of going 3-0.
Washington -1.5 at Atlanta: Doesn’t matter who Washington trots out at QB—Jeff says they win. (Yes, even if Sonny Jurgensen comes back.)
Ravens -2.5 at Chiefs: Someone’s going 1-3, and Jeff has chosen Patrick Mahomes to be that someone. Bold. Some might say insane.
Saints-Bills Under 48.5: “Something like 48-0 Bills,” Jeff joked. Somewhere, Drew Brees is watching this Saints offense and wondering if all those passing yards were really worth it.
Jay’s Picks
Jay has caught fire lately, and confidence is pouring out of him like he just discovered Red Bull.
Eagles-Bucs Over 43.5: Too many weapons for the Eagles, Baker won’t go down quietly, points are coming. (Jay is basically predicting a fireworks show.)
Detroit -8.5 vs Cleveland: “Did you see what Detroit did to Baltimore?” Jay asked. Yes. And now he thinks the Lions are legally required to win every home game by three touchdowns.
Packers -6.5 at Dallas: Jay says the Dallas O-line is so injured, the Packers D will have them for lunch. Dessert? The Dallas defense, which Jay claims may be the worst in the league. (Cowboys fans, please direct all hate mail to Jay, not us.)
Jack’s Picks
Jack is 3-6, which is why Vegas keeps the lights on. But he’s back with confidence that can’t be measured.
Texans -7 vs Titans: A “get right game” for C.J. Stroud. Translation: Titans fans should probably schedule other Sunday activities.
Bears +1.5 at Raiders: Riding high after crushing Dallas, Jack says Caleb Williams stays hot. Yes, we’re only four weeks into the season and Jack is already penciling Williams in as Chicago’s savior.
Eagles-Bucs Under 43.5: Directly going head-to-head with Jay’s Over pick. One of them will be right, one will be wrong, and the winner gets to make smug faces in the group chat all week.
The Bottom Line
Jeff will probably go 2-1 again because that’s what he does.Jay is betting on Lions dominance, Packers blowouts, and Baker Mayfield’s relevance. Bold strategy.
All picks are for entertainment purposes only—though if you had followed along last week, you’d already be counting your winnings.
Either way, we’ll all still be famous in our own minds.